One raining day, I met with a friend over breakfast. I met her over a workshop and since then our relationship continued. We exchange our thoughts, comfortably challenging our believes, and provide support when needed.
Well, since we know each other, we are different individual now, meaning that we have progressed rapidly and come a long way. We often said we didn’t expect such change but we did. She knows very well where I was and where I am now.
I shared with her my last weekend.
On Saturday, I helped and supported a friend to host a party then on Sunday I crushed. I think it was either my pleasing or rescuing nature that raised the voice. Not only to protect this friend, I actually received all her anger and frustration associated with this party.
When I discuss this with my friend over breakfast, I realised that I could not differentiate between rescuing and support. I probably should state I was yet to learn the difference between rescuing and support. When things happen, I go into protection/rescuing mode without a question. Now, I have realised that by going into rescuing mode, I took away opportunity for that person to learn.More than that, I get tired by trying to rescuing them too. Even more, now I am aware that by rescuing them I am telling them that they are not capable of solving this situation by themselves.
What does this mean?
It means that I don’t believe that they are capable of overcoming this situation.
It means that I don’t believe in their potential.
It means that I am modelling to them that they are incompetent.
It means that I am reminding them through my behaviour that they are not good enough.
It means that I am denying human potential.
In comparison to rescuing, support comes from different perspective. I believe support come from genuine care and believe in the full potential of the person. It empowers them and solely believe in their inner potential that they have everything they need within them to overcome their situation.
I thought I have learnt this ages ago. Interestingly, I am yet to master this concept. Research have shown that to change a habit/lifestyle, it will take sometime, ranged from 6 weeks to 3 months. It is very easy to slip back to an old habit. It is harder to change and adopt new habit. This means that human need to remind themselves with new beliefs again and again until it is engraved in their life, becoming part of them.
I want to make support as my new belief.
I want to support others rather than rescue them.
I want to empower them rather than discourage them.
I want to allow them to express themselves rather than limit their ability.
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your value,
Your value become your destiny.Mahatma Gandi
I believed rescuing was my tendency/habits. However, the action I have took (rescuing others), it proved that I have believed their inability to handle the situation. This reality stroke me like a lightning.
I will reconnect with myself, exploring my beliefs and thoughts that lead to my actions and habits.
What am I modelling to others?
Is that supporting or rescuing?
What are your believes behind your action?