I grown up not knowing how to connect with others. I wasn’t unable to determine appropriate connectedness with others. I didn’t know what’s my personal space and the appropriate distance between myself and others. I labelled myself as one of those who is lack of social/situation awareness. I had trouble adapt into a situation. I felt uncomfortable around people, especially strangers. I only allowed those into my life if I can determine that they fully accept who I am. I was very confusing myself.
In last decade, I have met many people that allowed me to freely express myself. My supervisor, my sister-in-law, and several friends. Instead of being worried and unsure of things but still doing it, I can know confidently say “I don’t know”. I am now realised not knowing something is not a fact that I should be shamed of. Instead, it is an opportunity for me to grow and gain knowledge.
Recently, I encountered following quote of Virginia Satir.
I want to love you without clutching,
appreciate you without judging,
join you without invading,
leave you without guilt,
critisise you without blaming,
and help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you
then we can truly meet and
enrich each other.Virginia Satir
After reading this, I thought I want to interact with another person like this. Luckily, I have several living examples just like this. Through their behaviour and interaction with me, this is exactly what they modelled to me. Coming from a place where I didn’t have clear boundaries between myself and others, I am learning where’s the appropriate boundaries and how I can interact with others just like this quote.
For me, this relationship is so powerful because this is the genuine human connection. This is what I want to build my friendship. Having a strong sense of self and respect boundary of others.
How are you interacting with your friends?
How would you like to be treated from others?