Where’s my crown?

Become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you.

The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 486

I learn this phrase since when I was young. As I was confused about myself, I had low self-esteem and high self-doubt. I couldn’t trust my instinct or any of my own judgement. I was easily persuade and had no strong sense of self. I allowed my mind to master me and decide course of my life.

Recently, I’ve learnt how to train my brain to have positive mindset. I attentively listen to the words I use in my day to day life. Only then, I’ve realised I was using many words that were limiting my own ability to grow. I took them as expectation, judgement, and norms.

These days, I question myself before I act. When I come across a phrase such as “I should do…” I question why? Then, I will answer “because…” I ask next question “who said that I should do…?” By this question, I tend to realise that no one else but myself placed expectation on myself. In my current workplace and work situation, I have set tasks and certain deadlines. However, no one tells me to scarifies my personal life to complete these tasks. Then, who has the control in such situation? myself. If I want to complete these tasks earlier at my own costs, who’s responsibility is that? Mine. For me, probably, that’s part of taking responsibility of my own decision.

Since such realisation, I’ve noticed that I am less likely to complain about others or situation or environment. There are certain things that are beyond my control. However, I can control my reaction towards it. Rather than been impacted by it, I have choice not to react it. For me, this was a significant realisation because it freed me from wasting my time accusing others and trying to control things that are beyond my ability. It felt like fighting against the universe.

Let me share my reflection over an event of last weekend. I was involved in a committee to put this three-days conference/training course together. My main role is to provide meals to all participants and crews/supporters. One morning, I decided to go early, clean up mess from previous night. Previously, in similar situation, I would accused cleaning committee, who did not clean up properly. I would have cleaned it up and complained to others about how they couldn’t even do their task properly. This time, I was cleaning it because it was uncomfortable for me. I couldn’t stand with it. It wasn’t about others but me. Recognising such shift in my own mindset was fascinating. I was joyfully undertake this task rather than dreadfully doing it. It was a relief that my feelings wasn’t affected by external factors.

Your crown has been bought and paid for.

Put it on your head and wear it.

Maya Angelou

I was catching up with a friend few weeks ago who I haven’t met over six month. She said “I feel that now you have placed your crown on your head. You are standing tall and knowing your path. I can feel you are enjoying your life so much. I feel you’ve strengthened and your life has positively shifted.” I was quite surprised how she worded. It made me feel that I have come far.

Have you discovered your crown?
Have you placed it on your head?
What does wearing a crown on your head mean to you?

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