For many years, I lived in a state of life that I am worthless if I couldn’t help others. I am worthless if I lost this leadership position. I am worthless if I am not useful to them. I am worthless if I cannot prove my self-worth to others. My self-worth was measured by how others perceived me as being useful or not.
If you measure your self-worth by the approval of others, you will never measure up.Anonymous
I was so bounded by how I think others are thinking about me. I had to be the role model to others. I shouldn’t let others see through my masks. I shouldn’t show my weakness to others. I should be a perfect person. I should do the right thing. I should… I shouldn’t…
I was constantly looking for external approval. I continuously ask question: Am I good enough for you? Am I good enough to be your friend? Am I good enough for you to show some care? Am I good enough for you to be proud of being friend with? Am I good enough to be existing in your life? Am I good enough to… Am I good enough to be…
I had so much self-doubt. I didn’t know how to measure myself. I didn’t know what others mean by that I am seeking external approval. I didn’t know what to do without external approval. I didn’t know how to evaluate and reflect myself. This only adds to my confusion rather than assurance that I am okay to be who I am.
Never measure your self-worth by what other people think you should have become.Anonymous
I thought I had to be a good girl, good daughter, be a survivor, be a strong individual, never show inner insecurity, shouldn’t show confusion, need to stand tall, need to save others, being a good model… etc. This list can go on and on and on.
Although these are not enforced by others, these were expectations I had for myself. I thought these were enforced by parents, culture, and social norm. In fact, these were messages I was telling myself over and over again. I was full of fear if I don’t live to their standard, others will forget about me, disliking me, ignore my existence. I was so lost in myself that I didn’t know where I am going or where I want to be or who I am.
Using someone else’s ruler to measure your self-worth will always leave you short.Charles F. Glassman
Only recently, I have realised that I was confused because I was using someone’s ruler to measure my self-worth. Of cause I felt lost and short because it wasn’t mine. I always felt I am not good enough and never able to compete with them because that ruler I measured my self-worth wasn’t mine.
Before comparing yourself with others, win the battle with yourself.
Strive to be better today than yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.Daisaku Ikeda
Instead of measuring my self-worth using other’s ruler, I wanted to measure my self-worth with my own standards. I learned to compare myself today with myself yesterday. I learned to strive for better tomorrow than today. I have realised that this is the only way I want to measure my self-worth.
Who’s ruler are you using to measure your self-worth today?
Have you progressed in comparison to yourself yesterday?
How would you like to measure your self-worth?