When I was wondering how to find my own path, one of a senior person told me that “no matter what you’ve decided to do, just keep going. That eventually will become your path.” That’s the difficult part because I had no idea what I really want to do with or in my life.
For many years, I struggled to find my path. I choose my path because it seemed alright. I didn’t have a definite WHY I’ve chosen what I have chosen to do in life.
Originally, I have chosen my field of study because my parents wanted me to study that. I have chosen to study an undergraduate degree because my parents insisted me to have a degree. I’ve chosen to study an postgraduate degree because my grandparents thought it is better for me. I’ve chosen to continue my study because it seems something I can tolerate that than work.
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.Ralph Waldo Emerson
Only recently, I felt grateful to what I’ve chosen for myself. There were moments when I thought I had enough of study. There were moments when I nearly gave up on my life. There were moments when I felt I didn’t want to continue on. There were moments I thought just let it be because I am tired.
The real struggle in life is with ourselves.
The true secret of success is the refusal to give up, the refusal to fail;
It lies in the struggle to win the battle against one’s own weakness.Daisaku Ikeda
When I look back, I am grateful I didn’t do any of that. Because I didn’t gave up on my life, I still enjoy today. Because I didn’t stop studying, I realised that I have skills that I can offer to others. Because I continued on, I have found my life path. Because I didn’t just let it be, I feel that I own my life.
I remember a conversation with a friend when I was in the first year of an undergraduate degree. We were discussing about why we have chosen to undertake a tertiary education. She said “University is a place they try to prove that you are a dumb and you try to prove to them you are not.”
To be honest, this perspective actually kept me going. I can’t remember how many times they questioned my capability, I continued to prove my ability. Probably, I didn’t want to admit that they are correct. I continuously refused for that weakness to penetrate my life. I think, a part of me knew that when I admit that’s the truth, that’s the limit of my life. My life will stop there.
One day, I was talking to my supervisor what happened if I didn’t choose to study a research with her. I remember my reply as “I probably will not be who I am. Never questioned my purpose of life. Never questioned why my parents groomed in the way they did. Never questioned there is wider world than what I can see. Never questioned my perspectives. Never questioned why I am not happy where I am. Although now I know, that’s a possible life path I did not choose.”
Do you have a long forgotten dream?
Are you proud of where you are?
When you look back, how far have you come?