When I think back, the very first time I felt that I have reached my limit is when I was a high school student. I stopped my piano lessons that I have continued for probably 10 years, simply because I’ve lost my passion for it. I felt I had reached my limit of understanding concepts behind mathematics. Then, I have reached my limit of understanding physics. Although I was okay with both subjects, they weren’t my favourite subjects. I can clearly remember saying to myself “probably this is my limit.” Of six subjects that we had to undertake in those years, two thirds of these subjects composed of two mathematics and sciences (physics and chemistry), even though everyone said that I have talents in language and other sociology subjects.
Listening to my parents’ suggestions, somehow I ended up undertaking medical science degree without any background in biological science. Although I understand that also contributed towards why I am here where I am, I hated those subjects. It was indeed interesting but I was very confused and felt defeated by these subjects. I have collected evidences that I am not as capable as I thought I was and it is all because of learning using English. So I blamed my inability of learning on my limited English proficiency.
When facing adversity, we may think we’ve reached our limit, but actually the more trying the circumstances, the closer we are to making a breakthrough.
The darker the night, the nearer the dawn.
Victory in life is decided by the last concentrated burst of energy filled with the resolve to win.Daisaku Ikeda
I struggled for years. From high achiever in high school era, I had become below average student in the tertiary education. That was enough to for me to send a message to myself that “I am not good enough to do any further studies.” I asked my parents why I am struggling with my study and I remember my father said “well, you have to get through this basic stage to become capable in doing any further studies” but, by this time, I already told myself “I am not going further studies because I am not good at it and I have disadvantage with language to begin with. This means that I am not even capable to be on the same stage with other native individuals.”
I have given up far before standing on the same ground as others. I have given up my own opportunities to grow and expand further. I stopped trying for things that I told myself “I can’t be good at”.
It wasn’t about missing opportunities or not.
It wasn’t about continuation of efforts or not.
It was about how people will judge me by saying things behind my back.
It was about not achieving what I have set out to achieve. It was to prevent others seeing me as a failure.
So what kept me going, coming this far?
I think it was a part inside my heart kept telling me “you can give up anytime but why today?” and “it’s easy to give up but why now”.
I probably didn’t want to admit that’s it. That’s all I can do. I didn’t want to give up myself when someone else can. I thought I was the last resort to believe in my own self.
Rather than becoming discouraged, know that encountering a wall is proof of the progress that you have made so far.Daisaku Ikeda
Currently, I am grateful that I didn’t give up on myself. I feel that I am improving by simply compare to myself yesterday. Then, I can see how far I’ve come.
Do you feel that you’ve reached your limit?
When you feel you’ve reached your limit, what do you do?
Do you have anything that can motivate you to keep going?