When I was lost of myself, I didn’t know who I am. I only saw what I didn’t like about myself. I had a very long list of what I am bad at and didn’t have many points about what I like about myself. For example, I didn’t like that I easily give up on things that I believed I wasn’t good at. I didn’t like the family blood in me. I didn’t like that I was labelled as an unique person.
I kept adding to this list. I felt everything was my fault that I didn’t know who I am. I used to beat myself up every night before bed about things that I think I should do or approached better. I didn’t know how to stop such behaviour and start appreciating my being. All I had was this sense of guilty to everybody around me that I wasn’t good enough for their care. Some nights I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about what I have done to them and how can I repay for it so I won’t be isolated again.
Our personality doesn’t determine our happiness or unhappiness, rather it is the substance of how we’ve lived our lives that decides.Daisaku Ikeda
Not until one day, I met my ex-boyfriend who repeatedly told me he accept me as who I am at any given moment. I didn’t appreciate his commitment until later in my life when I truly found myself. I only started to like myself when someone, like my ex-boyfriend, repeatedly assured me, it is okay to be who I am and who I want to be. Only then, I started to allow myself to like myself, appreciate myself.
I was blaming on my personality that I am not happy as who I am. I was too scared to transform myself to confuse myself further. I was too afraid to change because I didn’t know whether others will like my change or not. I was too coward to let my true self to blossom as I am.
I never know how I would feel when I allow myself to be. It was more than relief. Only then, I was able to embrace my being. When I did so, I have realised that more people embrace me as who I am.
How do you allow yourself to be?
Are you embracing yourself?
How do you choose to like yourself?