Why am I…

As part of questioning myself, or my being, I am aware that I have tendency of “ending life of things”. In other words, I break things without any intention to do so. Some is explainable as it is breakable to begin with but others are not in such category.

In the past, I broke things that other people will not break. For example, plastic tongs, plastic water knob, and plastic chopstick are something I broke in my life. Well, all of them were not intended as I said but I don’t know why but it just broke itself.

For many years, I felt really bad about this. I don’t know why but I just break them. When others asked me how, my answer was “I don’t know, I was using it normally.”

Let me illustrate few examples.
In case of plastic tongs, I was using it to serve the salad. It broke into half from the middle. It was one of those tongs that only made out of plastic.
In case of plastic water knob, It also broke into half. According to my brother, he said “two of us squeezed so hard and still didn’t break and how can you break it?” My answer was “I was turning it stop the water flow and it just decided to break into half. Lucky I actually turned off the water.”
In case of plastic chopstick, it broke into half when I was using it like a knife. It broke into half again.
In case of soap holder, it came off as I put my hand on it.

So, I really don’t know how that happened.
What have I broke this time? It was a stool. It was one of those stool designed for bars. Well, it didn’t break from the leg. It was the seat that broke into half. My sister-in-law was in front of me and she said “you were sitting as normal.” So we have no idea how I broke it.

What did I made all these mean?
I made all these mean, it’s my fault that I wasn’t cautious enough. I made it mean that I was tired and lack of attention. With suggestion from my sister-in-law, probably it’s just how I am, a person who ‘ending the life of things’.

What am I trying to prove here?
What am I making it mean?
Am I going to allow it to influence my life?

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