For many years, I have ignored my inner voice. Well, probably I didn’t ignore it but didn’t listen to it with my heart. It kept whisper to me about what it wants but majority of time I failed to give it enough attention. Sometime I even accuse it to confuse my decisions.
My mum is great to express her own feelings. She expressed her anger, frustration, and anxiety very well. I felt embarrassing when she expressed her emotion in public.
Let me give you an illustration.
When we were young, we will go to a family trip once a year for sightseeing. We weren’t rich so our budget was always tight. Because my parents have different values so they argued over how to spend the money. My mother will try to find the cheapest whilst my father will try to find the best among the choices we had. Because both of them would never compensate, an argument would start. The worst to such argument is that they would start to attack personalities or character of each others. Mum will start crying and yelling and screaming, even in the public scenes. This would happen every single trip without a fail.
What have I learnt from mum?
I need to choose when, where, how, and to whom I express my emotions. I learnt to suppress my heart and feelings. Well, when I was isolated from the whole class in the primary school, it was easier to ignore my heart then nothing seems mattered. Slowly and slowly I heard the sound that my heart was dying.
Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions down out your own inner voice.Steve Jobs
Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.Roy T. Bennett
Although I thought I learnt how to be not emotional, I wasn’t good at it. Many people indicated that they could read from my facial expression. Then I realised ‘oh, my heart is still alive’. In fact, whilst ignorance for all those years, it become louder and louder. Even though it was so loud to the extent that I cannot ignore it anymore, I continued to ignore it by suppressing it, put it in a box and locked it away. I felt fearful to let my heart decide so I ignored its whispers.
The message behind the words is the voice of the heart.Rumi
About 8 months ago, I realised that I have attached the meaning of ‘being emotional’ to the ‘heart’. I had this preassumption that the heart is always emotional. When I learnt the skill to have a choice in life, the clouds of emotion is cleared and my heart revealed itself.
Let choice whisper in your ears and love murmur in your heart.
Here comes life.Maya Angelou
None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone.Ralph Waldo Emerson
My whole life is shifted. My heart was so precious that I cannot hide it away anymore. Even in those years that I ignored it, it tried its best to keep me going to the best direction. It took care of itself to survive by sending messages through in various forms. Finally its whisper reached me as a strong voice that I treasure. Now, I have the full trust in my heart.
When I listen to the whispers of my heart, when I allow it to take the lead of my life, everything opened up. Ups and downs, and confusions, are a fact of life, and with my heart, I am confident in the direction it leads me. My only concern at the moment is that it is very playful, adventurous and curious and leads me to a direction I never thought I would go. When I doubt my ability to go, then, I hear this voice “Toughen up. You have me. Here we go!!”
When was the last time you let your heart speak?
Are you allowing your heart to take the lead?
Can you imagine where can you be?