For many years, I believed that I wasn’t good enough. Not good enough to compete with others, not good enough to be quoted, not good enough to be remembered. All these ‘I would never be good enough’ eventually piled up before me and the name I gave to it was ‘fear’. Don’t think you are cleaver, don’t think you are good than others, don’t think you can win. I started to give reasons to why I don’t try any more because I was fearful to prove myself as a failure who couldn’t get to where she should get to.
I was academically achieving above average until high school. Then, at my undergraduate degree, the reality caught up with me, I proved myself ‘not to their standard’. Confidence, courage, and self-respect were disappeared as time passed by.
A decade later, surprisingly I found my path in research and I am still studying research. For many years, I felt I am incompetent in English. I feel my limited ability in English. All these were parts of my excuses not to do well.
Behind every successful man there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.Bob Brown
Today, I am celebrating a small victory in my research study. About a month ago, I commenced reading a philosophy textbook called “Being and Time”. I have finally finished reading this textbook cover to cover. Yeah!! This doesn’t meant that I can know explain what this textbook discussed. All I am saying here is “I have read it!” I probably won’t do this again though.
I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.Rosa Parks
What motivated me to read this?
I didn’t like the feeling that I didn’t understand. Yet I still feel confused after all though. I was determined to read this book because I really want to understand what this textbook was meant to explain. Well, yes, my supervisor asked me to read it and yes I needed for my research study. For first time in my life, I have devoted so much time in reading English text. So, today, I am celebrating my small victory of finish reading this book.
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.Oprah Winfrey
If I remember correctly, it is few years back now, my supervisor started to celebrate victories with me, big or small. When we accomplished something together or as sole, we celebrate together. I must admit, at the beginning, I didn’t know what to celebrate because everything was so embedded in the life. When we started to find things to celebrate, every little things become so precious that we can celebrate.
Now, I have expanded that culture of celebration in my family too. We celebrate little victories everyday. These celebrations actually led to my confidence and courage to keep moving. Because I love food, we usually celebrate over a good meal, spending time together.
What do you celebrate in your life?
How do you celebrate your victories?
What does victory mean to you?