Why I have this sleepless nights?

Probably since last year, I have this occasional sleepless nights. Sometime it is consecutive, other time it is just one night. I have realised there is a common trait that contributing to my sleepless nights. In some sense, it is a good sign on the other I am aware it might affect my functionality of the following night.

I have followed my supervisor across different universities. I am very fortunate that my supervisor took me along with her. I don’t want to imagine what would have happened if she didn’t took me along with her. I am sure I won’t be the same person as who I am now nor I am still doing research.

Until she employed me, I didn’t know I was employable at all. I though I wasn’t good enough to be working. I was probably only capable to go along with my parents and never thought I need to get out of my comfortable and familiar zone. Since the first employment, I was working under her supervision all the time. Well, probably that’s hwy we have an unique relationship.

About an year ago, for various reasons, I had to stop working under her supervision. She is still my research study supervisor but I was no longer able to call her my supervisor in the work context as well. Part of me was devastated to move away from her supervision. Another part of me was filled with fear that I had to work under supervision other than her. Well, if my head was clear enough to think through, in broader sense, I will be still under her supervision because of her current leadership role.

When I look back now, leaving from her supervision made me realise how much she had trained, nurtured, and invested in me. I have realised how far I had come with her guidance. I had realised how much she had equipped me to be a capable individual to work for any project, under any supervision.

There’s nothing better than a good person.

They can change your whole day, they can change your whole life.

Chancelor Bennett

I was relieved when I realised that my relationship with my supervisor hasn’t changed, even I am working under supervision of another person. Um, probably this is not right. My relationship with my supervisor had changed because I now learned to work under supervision of another person, I have learned and equipped with more skills that I can offer to her. In that sense, I think our relationship has changed its form to allow more collaborative approach. Realising this point actually gave me more purpose to learn everything I can learn under this new supervision because I know it will only lead to my development.

Back to the topic of this blog “my sleepless nights”. Probably for few months, I started to have opportunities coming through to work for my supervisor again. The reason for my sleepless nights are excitement to work under her supervision again. It is the excitement that I can offer her more than I used to. This notion just bright my day.

Have you encounter anyone who changed your life?
What kind of relationship you have with this person?
What is the cause of your sleepless night?

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