When I was in Grade 5, I have experienced isolation from the class. It started with someone commented on my eating habits. Then, it affected the whole class where I was literary ‘isolated’ from the class. Everything I do, I said became attraction for further dislike. Luckily, it didn’t go further than isolation but it was psychological burden for me at the time.
This isolation continued for a year where we had the same class in Grade 6. The decision I made at the time is “I will not allow them to defeat me. I will not allow myself to be defeated which may lead to schooling days.” So I had this feeling that if I refuse to go to school, that means their win and I will never let that happen.
A real decision is measure by the fact that you’ve taken a new action.
If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.Tony Robbins
So, at Grade 6, it was fascinating how people suddenly turned to me and stated “We are over that crap. We have decided to become more inclusive so you can join us now.” I remember at that time I felt sense of relieve and confusion. Relieved because “I have been given this permission to join them again” and confused because “How shall I interact with them now?” Well, I was confused because I was enjoying my everyday regardless of their reaction towards me. I learned people watching and creative writing. I can’t deny part of me thought “Now I have to interact with you? What are waste of my time.”
So in that year, I made some good friends even though I knew I was about to immigrate to opposite side of the world. I remember my teacher, who taught us for two years, once said that I was the one who changed so much in last two years.
On another note, I guess, I was a rebellious child. I had tendencies to disagree with others. For example, when other students disliked a teacher, I was able to see the other good parts of that teacher. Now thinking back, that was my nature then: to seek for an alternative meaning.
It is senseless to blame others or your environment for your miseries.
Change begins from the moment you muster the courage to act.
When you change, the environment will change.
The power to change the world is found nowhere but within our own life.Daisaku Ikeda
I will never forget when my grade 5 and 6 teacher came to me after parents reported my concern to him. He was concerned as well but he respected my opinion.
Teacher: Would you like me to do anything about this?
Me: No. It might worsen the situation.
Teacher: We can talk about it generally in thinking times.
Me: No. Don’t even bring it up. I don’t want more attention.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. I will come to you when I can’t handle it anymore.
Teacher: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. I promise you. I will come to you if the situation become worse than this like becoming physical or I feel I can’t stand anymore.
Teacher: Okay. I will leave it for now but I will be always ready to discuss this further with you.
My teacher kept his promise and didn’t take further action. He did checked in with me regularly though. Eventually, as I said, I started to enjoy my solitude time. I picked up several skills along the way.
How did my environment changed?
Well, as I become more independent, it seems like some people started to question what made me to become so independent. Eventually, they quit what they were doing because I wasn’t affected by it anymore. Well, some of them argued that they’ve grown up though.
Years later, I have received several letters from those who were leading the class to my exclusion. It was interesting reading their letters because by the time I was so over it. It was just a part of my history. I wasn’t affected by it anymore. I had learned what I had to learn and moved on with it all. I remember one of them actually confessed that she realised her cruelness when she experienced isolation from class herself in high school.
How did your decision changed your action?
How did your action changed your environment?
Where did change of your environment led you to?